


braincraft's trash pile

by braincraft



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Original Work
Genre: F/M, Microfiction, Scat, dingalings, literal shitposting, perfectly normal human writings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braincraft/pseuds/braincraft
Summary: Assorted microfiction, often lewd.
Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Shikinami Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. She Bop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Hardcore scat.

Shinji hugged Asuka’s hips from behind, rocking forward on his knees to bury his face between her tight, pert asscheeks. Her pretty pink asshole peeked out from between smooth buttocks. Shinji could smell the soap that she washed with, something herbal and cool. His tongue flicked out under her perineum and tickled her protruding cunt lips.

It was an accident that made them try this new thing together, something one of them had said in the heat of the moment, but as they explored their new fetish they had found it to be rewarding and sensuous. Somehow their relationship was closer, more intimate, thanks to something they shared that most people wouldn’t understand.

They had researched in on the internet, and it turned out that there was a community of people who had discovered the joys of bringing scat into their sex lives. With some advice from more experienced couples, Shinji and Asuka had blossomed from hesitant children to confident and mature young adults.

“I’m ready to start, Asuka,” Shinji said, lightly muffled by muff.

Asuka closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and let it rip.

“Shoobly-doop-doop do wop shoo bop shoo bop bop bwoww.”

Shinji groaned, bucking his hips as Asuka let forth with a stream of sexy nonsense syllables.

“Yabadadabada woo-wah beep bop day!”

Their friends and family wouldn’t understand.

“Skee dap dooby dooby wee wah oodly boodly skoodly doo!”

But this was something special. Something beautiful.

“Ya dah dah dah eeble weeble yebber yaba skaddily voo voom!”

Shinji came, and thanked God for scat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I offer no apologies and you deserve none.


	2. Human Sexuality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story was written by a human from Earth who definitely knows about your human sexing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit language.

There was a perfectly ordinary human bar. Within it were a human male and a human female.

The human female’s name was Lafferty. She noticed that the human male was very bilaterally symmetrical and smelled healthy. His name was Eugene. Lafferty had consumed several doses of ethanol-based beverages and could feel her mating drive strongly within her abdomen. She enticed Eugene with movements of her eyes and milk bladders. Both eyes and bladders were very large for a human, Eugene noticed.

Lafferty invited Eugene back to her temporary lodgings for further imbibing, but this was a fiction. She did not plan on imbibing further beverages. She wished to perform recreational mating, and Eugene understood this.

Soon, within Lafferty’s lodgings, both Eugene and Lafferty removed their coverings. Eugene removed his torso covering, and then his leg covering, and finally his pelvic covering. He did not remove his feet coverings, which was customary. Lafferty was wearing a single outer covering, but did not remove it; she instead removed the undercoverings on her upper torso and pelvis. Retaining her covering was mildly transgressive, which enticed Eugene.

Eugene sensually began to unfurl his genitals. Lafferty noticed that their shape and coloring were ideal, and prepared her orifice for docking. It was time for the recreational mating, which would not result in breeding, but the stimulation of which was pleasing to the humans.

Eugene applied a polymer covering to his genitals. The covering was textured, to maximize stimulation. Lafferty was pleased by Eugene’s conscientiousness in maximizing her stimulation.

“Conjoin with me, Eugene,” said Lafferty, who had exchanged names with Eugene at some point during the aforementioned events. “I am well-prepared.”

Eugene had nothing germane to add to the conversation, so he simply applied his probe to Lafferty’s mating port. This was pleasurable to both parties. Lafferty and Eugene adjusted their positions so that his probe pressed against her port in various ways for several minutes. Finally, Eugene removed himself and disposed of the polymer covering. Both humans recovered their other coverings and replaced them on their own bodies.

Eugene and Lafferty shook one another’s hands to establish fellowship as they departed one another’s company. It was a successful recreational mating.


	3. Yankee Doodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adults doing adult things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mature language.

“Oh, Dick,” sighed Kitty. “My coochie is so hot for you. Ravish me!”

Dick reached down between their bodies, ran his hand up Kitty’s skirt and touched her steamy hatchet wound. “Your puss-puss is so wet!” he cried, as sticky go-go juice seeped onto his palm.

“Show me your dingus!” demanded Kitty. Dick had no choice but to obey, unzipping his jeans and slipping his tallywhacker through the fly. The meaty prod was already stiff, and Kitty wasted no time in laying hands on it. “Your doodle is so hard,” Kitty said, gently stroking its length.

Soon Kitty’s longing for schlong was so severe that she couldn’t help but usher Dick’s bull moose into her bully pulpit. Her tunnel of love gripped tightly at his willy, while one’s wang wiggled wildly where women went wee. The pleasure radiating from Kitty’s ham wallet was so intense that she almost bucked right off of Dick’s dude piston.

Before long, Kitty’s squish mitten was too sore to continue, so it was agreed that they would pleasure one another’s swimsuit areas with their mouths. Dick kissed Kitty’s vertical smile, while Kitty proceeded to blow Dick’s beef whistle. Her virtuoso skin flute recital nearly had a happy ending, but Dick wanted his pocket rocket to blast off in Kitty’s bearded clam. He wiped his mug of Kitty’s honeypot drippings, and positioned himself to make a deposit in her coin slot.

After much grunting and groaning, Dick engaged his vinegar strokes. He dunked his slam jam in Kitty’s hoop, shoving his weenis harder and deeper into her meat locker.

“Wow, Dick,” commented Kitty. “I guess the hokey-pokey really is what it’s all about.”


End file.
